


In the Darkness, She Found Herself : Ami's Story

by TheDrifter



Series: Ripple Effects [6]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Dark, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:39:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6351973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDrifter/pseuds/TheDrifter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the cost of defending Sailor Moon became too heavy to bear, Ami ran away. 6 years later, she's back. Is she looking for redemption? Or revenge? Ami deals with the sacrifices the Senshi must make for their Princess and meets her dark side head on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Berlin

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the re-write of "In The Darkness!". This story was originally posted about 8 years ago, and since new plot bunnies have appeared, this story needs to be retooled to accommodate some non Ami POVs and hopefully, to make it prequel/sequel compliant. Notes regarding canon and continuity are at the end of the chapter. I consider fanfiction to be an expression of love for the wonderful characters that Naoko Takeuchi have given us. As Usagi has taught us, love needs to be shared. As such, I obviously own nothing.
> 
> Ch 8: Endgame is where all the action and the big payoff of the story are. I won't be offended if you'd like to skip ahead. I have a story synopsis in the opening author notes in that chapter. You will however, be missing out on some good exposition and character moments ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 - Wherein we see how Ami has coped with 6 years of self imposed exile.

* * *

 

It was cold. She couldn't feel anything. There was nothing to feel. The Princess had to be saved, and to that…

Ami sat up. Another night, another nightmare. She felt as though she had not slept in years. The dull throb behind her eyeballs grew more intense. Pain and an inexplicable rage pushed Ami out of bed, her heart pounding with restlessness

It was dark out, the moon hidden behind heavy gray clouds. The bleary red numbers on the clock told Ami it was 2 am.

_Perfect._

Ami left her apartment looking for a fight. For the staff of the many hospitals in Berlin, a strange pattern was starting to emerge: bad men, gangsters, human traffickers and the like, were showing up at the E.R beaten half to death. There were rumors about a young woman. A masked figure with blue hair, blue eyes and apparently, the uncanny timing to interrupt crimes in progress. She never spoke a word. She would receive no thanks, no reward…just pain and violence for its own sake.

And so did Ami, alone in Germany, alone in the world, live on after the death of her mother six years ago.

* * *

_Crack_

Ami felt the man's bones crumple under her fist.

_Shattered orbital, dislocated jaw, possible fractures of the zygomatic arch and maxilla, probable concussion, contusions c1 through 5…stop_

Ami reluctantly forced herself to stop. The man collapsed in a senseless heap to the ground. His companion in crime lay 20 feet away, his gun 30 feet. Ami felt her heart pounding, her blood singing for more. It felt good. She grinned, and pulled her arm back in anticipation of the satisfying crunch of her fist collapsing the man's face. The broken man saw his life flash before his eyes in her feral smile. Suddenly, Ami froze. The mortal fear in the man's eyes brought her back from the haze. The man was no longer a threat. The world faded from red to the dull gray of another dreary winter dawn. She threw the bloodied criminal from her and looked at the final occupant of the lonely alley. A teenaged girl shaking in fear. The girl they were assaulting. Without a word, Ami walked away, her footsteps inaudible as the sound of police sirens grew louder.

When the police came, they saw that once again, someone had taken the law into their own hands. Some would secretly approve of this swift justice. Others worried about the kind of psychopath it took to do this night after night. In either case, another incident report would be filed with the others and patrols would be put out- who knew what kind of dangerous people walked the streets of the city?

Ami removed her mask and stepped out of the shadows of Berlin's gothic architecture. It seemed an unnecessary precaution however. She wasn't particularly attached to her life now and she doubted anyone would recognize her anyways. Nobody really knew her here in Germany. Even her friends in Japan would have trouble recognizing her now. Her hair was shorter, and her body was leaner and more muscular than it was when she left. She dressed differently, favoring looser men's pants that hid the scars on her leg and men's shirts to match. Overall, she looked like a different person.

_I am a different person._

She really was. A few carefully prepared legal documents and she was Amy Anderson, estranged daughter of John Anderson, Japanese girl genius, who at the age of 18 received and accepted a prestigious scholarship to attend one of the best medical schools in the world at the University of Berlin.

_The more I change, the more I remain the same._

Ami's heart hardened at the thought. She was being nostalgic again. That never ended well. The adrenaline of the fight had long since worn off. Ami was tired now, but it felt good. She needed the action, to hurt someone and be hurt in return. She enjoyed the power. If she got hurt or killed, so much the better.

Ami put on her glasses as she joined the regular morning flow of pedestrian traffic. She didn't need them, but they helped to hide whatever emotions her icy eyes may sometimes betray. Those times had become fewer and fewer as the years wore on. This was how she learned to deal with her pain. She became it. She deserved it, for her weakness and selfishness. Cold. Numb. Truly she had become the Senshi of Ice. Anger, hate, self-loathing, all the raw emotions she felt could once again be forced onto the backburners of her mind. At first, six years ago, right after the final battle with Metaria, she had tried everything to make the pain, the guilt, go away. Nothing worked. Her friends didn't help either, she blocked them out. They didn't understand. How could they?

After all, they didn't kill their own mother.

* * *

Ami walked into the well-lit medical research lab. It was as if a sudden cold snap chilled the room. Other students and researchers quickly looked away from the petite blue haired woman walking through the lab. Muted whispers and hurried hushes followed in her wake.

Wow she looks like she hasn't slept at all

_I wonder what could that sociopath is working on now?_

_I tried to talk to her the other day, total ice bitch_

_Little Miss Genius doesn't even want to spend an extra minute in the room with us mere mortals_

_Did you hear? She leaving?_

_Good. She freaks me out._

"Entschuldigung Sie bitte…Doktor Anderson?"

Ami sharply turned her gaze towards the timid voice beside her.

"Doktor Boaz, Er hat dich schon überall gesucht."

"Warum?"

"Ich weiß nicht. Es tut mir leid, aber… Jetzt muss ich gehen"

The luckless intern scurried away, glad to be done with her errand.

So the director was looking for her? Ami sighed and headed to his office. She had no desire to explain herself, even if she could.

Dr. Boaz was a thin man, quiet and overworked. Still, he knew talent when he saw it. If only it were properly utilized. The young blue haired doctor that stood in front of him seemed like a lost cause, but still, he had to ask.

"Amy, the University called about your resignation. Why is this the first time I've heard of it?"

Ami didn't answer.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"It's done Doktor. You'll have my exit report by the end of the day."

Ami walked out of the office without another word.

Dr. Boaz sighed. As much as he tried, he couldn't get through to her. There was potential there. She was nothing if not brilliant, a genius really, but there was something off with her. He didn't know anything about her personally, no one did. She never spoke to anyone at length, and seemed to project an aura that frankly scared off anyone who might try to reach out to her. Overall, she seemed lonely. Somehow, he suspected that this was the way that she had wanted it.

* * *

Germany had been good to her, she couldn't deny that. She spent most of her days studying and working alone, completing medical school in half the time and then burning out her days in a lab where no one could keep up with her anyways. No one noticed that she spent her nights wandering the more dangerous parts of the city. She had the freedom here to be alone in her self-imposed exile.

She deserved to be alone.

The friendship and warmth she felt as a young Senshi seemed so far away. The warmth that was Usagi and Makoto and all of her other friends. She had ended that. She hurt them, and somewhere in her despair, she had enjoyed it. At first, she didn't know what came over her, but over time, it started to make sense.

She killed her mother.

To save the princess.

For the princess.

It was always the princess.

Now, there was something calling her back to Japan. She couldn't explain it. Her dreams at night had become stronger recently. Scenes of Tokyo overrun, the Sailor Senshi fighting, falling. She felt drawn to these scenes of destruction. As much of a nightmare it was to see this night after night, it felt right. She had to go. There was something waiting her there, something at the other end of this restlessness. Something for her to take, to do, to prevent? She didn't know what. All she knew is that it was time. The normally logical, rational Mizuno Ami was following an impulse.

Why not?

Six years after the worst night of her life, Ami was going home.


	2. At the Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 - Wherein Ami returns to Japan and all hell mysteriously breaks loose.

* * *

 

_**Six Years previous** _

The hospital room was coolly lit by the glow of Ami's laptop monitor. Ami had been in the here for days. Weeks maybe? She wasn't too sure. Everything felt somewhat surreal. Viuly's nanites, Mistress 9, Pharoah 90 and then Queen Metaria again. It felt like this whole year had been just one long battle. Death at every turn. Ami remembered the last battle, where Queen Metaria's dying attack had ripped through her body with a vengeance. Her world was now down to pain and disjointed memories. It was hard to tell what was real anymore. 

_Sailor Moon screaming, inside a barrier of blood magic._

That was real. That had happened.

_The despair. Watching as the Senshi were helplessly trapped outside._

Ami's heart pounded. Breathing grew difficult.

_Fear, as the glowing, distorted form of Dr Mizuno Sakeo gathered energy to obliterate Sailor Moon._

_Horror as she deduced that she alone could walk through the barrier and end this fight_

_Hopelessness, as she saw no other alternatives_

_Numbness as she called the Mercury Sword to her hand and committed to act_

_Pain_

_Fear_

_Death_

Once again, she relived the memory of breaking through the barrier and running a sword through her mother's heart.

In the weeks that she was recovering in the hospital, Ami lived in her own head. The Senshi won, technically, but it wasn't without cost. Things happened around her. Nurses came in and out to change bandages. The police came to ask questions she couldn't answer. Her friends came to comfort her. That was the worst of all.

Then came the day where Ami couldn't hold it back any longer.

" _Why are you here? What more do you want? This is the last thing I have to say to you people. I've had enough. No more. No more sacrifices. How much are you all willing to give?_

_Rei, are you such a huge bitch to everyone so they don't get close enough find out you're a glorified bodyguard for some Princess of a dead kingdom? Mina…do you spend all day pretending to be an idiot so that when the day comes when we all get killed, no one is surprised that you fucked up? And Mako…will you ever be able to stop fighting? If you want a death in battle, fine. You do it without me._

_You want your dream of Crystal Tokyo? Fine, you can do that without me too. I can't give any more, I've got nothing left. You could die and the world can go to hell for all I care. You have no right to talk to me about love and duty. I've done my duty, I killed my mother. For you. For your 'destiny'. NO MORE. Leave me alone. "_

That was the last time they had seen Ami. They had left the hospital room shaken. Ami's words had all hit close to home. For such despairing words to be coming from their kind and gentle friend was hard to bear. No one had known what to do. What Ami had said echoed with each of the scouts, alone at night, in the corner of their minds. They were soldiers. Their duty meant that they could at any point, be called upon to sacrifice everything, life or innocence be damned.

Usagi was shaken most of all. Her heart broke again and again as the sacrifice her friends made for her came into sharp focus. She felt unworthy. It took a long while for her to regain the confidence she needed to be Sailor Moon and a long time for the remaining Senshi to come to terms and reaffirm their commitment to duty.

The next day, Ami was gone. Transferred to another hospital for physical rehabilitation her floor nurses were told. No one seemed to know where. The hospital records had mysteriously been corrupted.

* * *

_**Present day** _

Ami stepped out of the airport into the cool crisp air of a Tokyo winter's day.

It was difficult returning to Japan. She had spent 6 years of living as someone else and had cut off all ties to her life here.

But now she was back.

In a sense, Ami was home.

Ami stood at a crossroads. The path to the left through the park led to the Hikawa Jinja. The right, an open road that led nowhere special, for there was no place else for Ami to be.

The Senshi…

She turned left.

There was so much to do.

And that was when a bolt of dark energy shot out of nowhere and blasted Ami into the black.

* * *

A lone figure stood on the steps of the temple; a slender miko sweeping the steps. The setting sun made a tableau of blood red and black shadows.

Rei looked up as she felt something darkly wrong. There was something behind her. Something cold…blue hair...blue eyes…

"…Ami?"

Ami stepped into the light…

"You're here!"

…and ran her through with a dark sword.

As she fell to the steps, the last thing she heard were Phobos' and Deimos' wings and her Grandfather's footsteps as he ran to see what the disturbance was.

The last thing she saw were a pair of dark blue boots and a blood dark sword.

* * *

 

The energy bolt had caught her from behind. Ami landed heavily against the wall of a nearby building. She felt light headed, slow, dull…

Weak That's what I am...weak…

_[Attack Ami, show your strength. Show your true power]_

Someone was laughing at her, at her weakness, her inability to defend even herself.

No...no more

Ami called forth the power that was inside. Raw power crashed and cascaded over her. It felt different. Stronger, and wilder. It felt good.

Was it always like this?

A blood-black sword formed form the wispy vapours swirling around her hand. The ice sword had manifested during her last battle as Sailor Mercury. This was the sword that she drove into her mother's heart to kill Metaria.

She felt the sword's lust for blood. It had taken life before. It would do it again. Now.

There was someone else here.

_Is this the enemy?_

Ami hesitated. Then, she followed through. She felt herself stepping forward and running the ice-sharp blade straight through the enemy. A dark vortex appeared at the tip of Mercury's sword. Dark winds rushed around her, beating at her head and body. The vortex grew. The ground, the sky all became dark. Ami could see the destruction that raged silently around her. At the center of it all, Ami screamed.

And then there was nothing.

Ami woke up lying face down in an alley. The sun was beginning to rise over the skyscrapers of Tokyo.

_What the hell happened?_

* * *

_White. Fuzzy. Bright. Hurts._

"Unngh"

Rei awoke in an unfamiliar bed.

"She's awake!"

Frantic shuffling ensued. More than one person came running in through the door.

Rei felt a pair of arms wrap around her as Minako's face came into focus.

"Rei! Thank goodness. We were so worried."

"unn…get off …love you too, Mina-chan...OUCH! Off! What happened? Is Grandpa ok?"

Minako stayed close, offering comfort as Usagi told the story.

"Grandpa is fine. We just sent him home to get some rest. He's been here non-stop since you got out of surgery. Mamo-chan's on the way to the temple to get him, so he'll be here soon. I'm so happy you are awake now. You've been out for 2 days. Grandpa heard a commotion and ran over to find you lying in a pool of blood on the steps. Phobos and Deimos drove the attacker off I think. They were flapping around freaking out. Did you see who did this to you Rei-chan?"

"Ami…."

Four startled eyes looked up at that faint whisper.

"It was Ami...she was here...She stabbed me."

The familiar tone of a communicator pinged throughout the room. Makoto's face drained of colour as looked at her communicator's screen

The flashing blue call sign of Mercury.

* * *

It had been a long six years since Ami was gone. There had been no major threats since the second resurgence of Queen Metaria. Ami had ended that threat and paid for it dearly.

In the peace that followed, the Senshi all moved on and made lives for themselves. Rei continued her spiritual training intensively and became (in her grandpa's opinion), one of the finest mikos to ever grace the steps of a temple.

Against her better judgement, Minako found herself joining the ranks of Tokyo's finest, recently promoted to the rank of Officer in the Tokyo MPD's Criminal Investigation Bureau.

Mako pursued her dream of culinary greatness and epic romance and found that she was more successful in the former than the latter. Her new bakery was starting to develop a reputation for delicious, delightful confections while Mako herself developed the skills needed to manage an increasingly complex enterprise.

Usagi, to everyone's delight, finally found a reason to like school: being a teacher. The irony of Usagi professional calling wasn't lost on anyone, but her patience, kindness, and empathy won the hearts of her pupils and made her junior high social studies class a true learning experience.

These skills and experiences would serve the people well the day that Crystal Tokyo arrived. Until then, they were just 4 young women living normal lives as best they could.

However, there was one piece missing from all their lives.

Now, without warning, she was back.

"Guys…its Ami….she's calling on the communicator."

Any other day, this announcement would have been greeted with excitement, the return of a long lost friend and perhaps, the first steps towards healing.

Today however was different.

Rei lay in a hospital bed, lucky to be alive, and Ami the apparent cause.

Everyone froze, unsure of what to do next.

"Is that really Ami?"

"It can't be…."

"Should we answer?"

"What about Rei?"

"What if she's in trouble? What if the Dark Kingdom's got her? We have to just make sure she's ok, we can't...we owe her that much at least."

They hesitated until the beeping stopped.

Ami was gone again.

* * *

_No answer._

Ami sank to the ground in defeat. Something was very wrong here, and she couldn't even warn the Senshi about it.

Ami felt as though a fire was pulsing through her brain. She fumbled for a bottle of painkillers in her bag.

A new threat to the precious Princess?

 _Is this why I felt compelled to come back here?_ _Am I unable to escape my destiny as a soldier?_

_[You know the answer to that]_

Ami snapped out of her thoughts. She shook her head, trying to clear it. Usually, there was very little that could escape her when she applied herself, but no pattern emerged from the events of the recent past. Just a confusing jumble of dream and reality. She couldn't concentrate, nothing made sense.

She popped opened her bottle.

Am I going crazy?

 _[E_ _mbrace it. Escape.]_

That voice, again. In her head. Again.

No, it can't be, it's nothing

Ami turned her attention to something more immediate.

She swallowed 3 pills.

Only 5 left. Last bottle.

The migraine got worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. I tried to keep the POV centered on Ami as much as possible to really isolate her, but a story about Ami isn't complete if there are no other Senshi. Especially if she keeps blacking out like that.
> 
> Up next: An interlude, wherein we see the lives that Ami interrupted when she returned. There will be shoujo-ai.


	3. Interlude: Three Lives Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude chapter - Wherein 3 lives are interrupted by Ami's return.

**Minako**

Minako sat in the patrol car. It was a quiet night for the citizens of Tokyo. Just the way that she liked it.

If everything stayed quiet tonight, there would be no paperwork. If there was no paperwork, then just maybe she'd have time to surprise Rei at the temple tonight after she closed up for the evening. Minako smiled to herself. If she went straight from the station…she'd still have her handcuffs on her.

"Minako no ECCHI!" She heard imaginary Rei exclaim.

"This is a TEMPLE!"

That's her girl. Proud as ever.

There would be yelling, and some screaming, then kissing and well….handcuffs? What's the fun of a chase if you just skip right to the end? Rei would never pass up a challenge, and Minako knew she was nothing if not challenging. For all the fire and fury, neither of them would want to spend the night alone. Besides, there was at least a 50-50 chance that Rei would be the one that comes out on top this time.

The static voice of the radio interrupted her daydreaming.

"Dispatch calling all units, calling all units. Attempted homicide reported at Hikawa Jinja. Female victim, dark hair, age 20-29. Suspect is at large. No description. Responding officers needed to secure the area.

"Shit…Aino…isn't that your girl?"

"Fuck! Shit! Let's go."

"The hospital?

Love or duty? If anything happened to Rei and she wasn't there to say goodbye…

"No baka! Suspect at large. We have a job to do. Set a perimeter around the temple. No one in or out until we search the area."

Rei better be around to forgive her for this tomorrow. Minako refused to consider the alternative.

Always duty first.

* * *

**Makoto**

Makoto pulled down the security grate of her bakery with a satisfying * _clunk*._ Another day of living the dream. Tiring, as all-you-can-eat-cake Sundays often were, but deeply fulfilling in the way that achieving your life dreams feels.

Something she created with her hands was bringing so much happiness to people. That felt good. The fact that business was booming to the point where "food" and "rent" were no longer scary concepts….well that was just icing on the cake! Makoto giggled to herself at that lame pun.

Makoto jumped onto her motorcycle. She recognized the girls across the street as being the ones that had been less than stealthily checking her out in the bakery all day. She couldn't resist blowing them a kiss as she sped by.

_I guess I can scratch "Be like Haruka" off my life goals list._

Makoto felt the energy in the air before the rain confirmed it. Thunderstorm tonight.

Makoto's good mood faded at that. Storms reminded her of Ami, and Ami was gone. Did Ami think of her whenever lighting strikes? Makoto hoped against hope that Ami was ok, wherever she was. Six years was a long time ago, and life goes on.

She got home just ahead of a heavy rainstorm.

"Mako-chan? You're home early! How was your day?"

Unazuki poked her head out from the kitchen. Makoto smiled and pulled her in for a gentle kiss.

"Today? It was good. Let's just call it a good day."

At that moment, the frantic beeping of her communicator ended that wish.

* * *

**Usagi and Mamoru**

Mamoru looked in on his fiancé snoring loudly on a pile of lesson plans. It looked like a tornado had hit the room. There were papers everywhere, some empty take-out food containers, and he was pretty sure that if he dug a little deeper, there would be some manga there underneath the textbooks. Mamoru sneaked a quick peek at her notes.

"On the morality of Doramon – ethics in technology?"

Mamoru raised his eyebrows…well, that was definitely a Usagi thing.

"mmm, Mamo-chan"

"ah, Usako. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, it's good. I was just having a sad dream."

"Oh? What was it about?"

Mamoru sat down with Usagi and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"It was our wedding day."

"That makes you sad?"

"Oh no….I was so happy, it was us with all our friends… it was beautiful. When I woke up. I realized Ami-chan wasn't there. That made me sad. I don't want to think that I've given up on her."

"You haven't Usako. Your heart doesn't know how to give up on your friends. Ami will be back. I know it."

Mamoru couldn't tell if he was lying to his beloved. She leaned deeper into his arms and sighed.

They stayed in that position, comforted by their love, until the beeps of a communicator called them back to the outside world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Minako. She's just a big ball of drama they way she deals with "duty". Also, I love ecchi Mina. Incidentally, Mamoru dialogue is hard. Reinako interlude to come to make up for the lack of poor Rei in this chapter.
> 
> Up next: Ami is lost, but then she is found.


	4. A Friend and a Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 - Wherein Ami is lost and found

Fortunately, and inexplicably to the doctors, Rei was a fast healer.

Two weeks after the attack, Rei was being sent home with doctor's orders to get plenty of rest and to avoid physical exertion. A peaceful temple seemed like a perfect place to recuperate, especially for the young dark haired miko.

What the doctors couldn't have known was that the Hikawa Jinja was no ordinary temple and Rei was no ordinary miko.

The temple was the unofficial headquarters of the Sailor Senshi, and Rei was the fiery Senshi Sailor Mars. When darkness threatened the unsuspecting citizens of Tokyo, the Senshi would be there to protect them.

Even if they have to disobey doctor's orders.

The days following Rei's attack had been hectic days. There were attacks all over Tokyo. New youma made of of flesh and machine. Sharp edges and deadly weapons fused with living sinew. They left no clues regarding where they had come from, or what their plans were. Worse, the attacks were increasing strength and frequency. Mars, Venus, Jupiter and their Princess were hard pressed to keep the peace, even with the help of the Outers. The attacks were constant. The Senshi found themselves scrambling to react to each attack, without the time to formulate a plan or to discuss the matter that hung heavily on everyone's minds.

Ami.

Even with the stress and weight of the world on their shoulders, the girls found Rei's homecoming a welcome cause for celebration.

The party was in full swing. Minako and Hotaru were playing some sort of game with rules that they made up as they went. A greatly amused Setsuna watched as Hotaru tried to build a tower of fruit on Mina's head. Rei was by the fire, enjoying an unusually quiet moment with Usagi and some early drafts of her proposed manga series. Mako was in the kitchen puttering about and Mamoru was in the corner, looking somewhat scared of the amount of estrogen present. The distinct rumble of Haruka's gold Toyota 2000GT was heard a moment before the car swerved around the corner and drifted to a stop at the bottom of the temple steps.

"Mamoru-san, get down here quick, we need your help."

Mamoru ran down the temple steps to the car, the rest of the Senshi not far behind.

Haruka and Michiru were struggling to get someone out of the back seat. Mamoru arrived and quickly accessed the situation.

"Med-kit, it's in my car. Keys in the front hall."

Makoto was the closest, she ran towards the parking lot. As Mako ran to get the med-kit, Rei reached into her robes and pulled out an ofuda.

Haruka and Mamoru were carrying a semi conscious Ami up the steps to the temple.

* * *

It was as if the laws of physics had ceased to exist.

The colour spectrum was wrong. The world was gray and red with sharp flashes of gold and aquamarine.

Gravity? Gone. She didn't know which way was up, much less where she was or where she was going. Was she flying?

Thermodynamics? It was impossible to feel so cold and yet still be so hot, but somehow, there she was.

Somewhere in the madness, she heard a voice. A familiar voice. Familiar words, yet different. They had never been directed at her before.

"…retsu, zai, zen - Akuryō Taisan!"

A bright light. Searing. White. Painful.

She screamed.

And then finally, darkness.

* * *

"Rei!"

Rei stumbled as the physical exertion of the ritual winded her. Minako was at her side in an instant and caught her before she hit the ground.

"Evil…spirits begone…"

Rei panted for breath. Whatever was there was strong, but seemed to be gone for now.

"Rei! Are you ok? What happened?"

"… darkness…evil…Ami…"

"Whatever you did Rei, I think it worked. Look, Ami's stopped struggling now. She was half awake and mumbling incoherently until you purified her. Let's get her somewhere so that we can do a proper diagnosis."

Mamoru's statement was a question in itself. Do we trust Ami?

"The spare bedroom, 3rd door to the left in the front hall."

No way Rei was going to turn Ami out.

It was a risk she was willing to take.

All the Senshi agreed.

* * *

It was some time before Mamoru came out of the spare room.

Usagi rubbed his slightly furrowed brows. The rest of the Senshi crowded around him.

"Well how is she Mamoru-san?"

"She is just sleeping now. She's got a lot of cuts and bruises, possibly some head injuries, I don't know for sure yet. She's also running a pretty high fever. I gave her a sedative so that she could at least sleep through the night. I couldn't tell you guys more until she wakes up."

Mamoru sighed. Usagi looked at him in concern.

"Mina-chan, Usako, There's something I want to discuss with you privately. Come with me."

They followed him into the room. The rest of the Senshi respectfully stayed in the hall.

"What's going on Mamoru?"

Minako sounded wary, as if she knew there was news she didn't want to hear.

"Did I hear Haruka say they found her in the middle of a massive street brawl? That fits."

"It does? No it can't... Ami-chan…."

"Look at her hands Usako. The knuckles have been broken before, a few times too. The skin also feels like it's been split a few times. From the looks of it, tonight wasn't the first time she's been in a fight lately. Some of these scars even look like stab wounds that she stitched up herself."

Usagi gently traced a particularly angry red scar on Ami's forearm.

"Oh Mamo-chan…is this…"

"Wait Usako. That's not what I wanted to discuss in private."

Mamoru pulled a notebook out of a backpack. Ami's handwriting was obvious in its clean, methodical strokes. What the surprise was were pages upon pages of drawings. Detailed diagrams of hideous youma, nightmares on paper.

"These aren't drawings. They are diagrams. These are the youma we have been fighting all week and a lot more we haven't seen yet. Ami has some explaining to do when she wakes up. Until then, you need to make a decision about how to handle this."

"How do we know the bag is Ami's?"

Mina's eyes narrowed as they often did when she was working through a situation.

"Haruka grabbed the bag off of her during the fight. There's also a couple of pill bottles in there, airplane tickets from last week, and a passport with her picture.

Mamoru reached out and took Usagi into his arms. Tears ran silently down her cheek as she looked at the girl on the bed.

"Oh Ami, what's happened to you?"

* * *

Haruka was retelling the circumstances of how they found Ami when Mamoru and Usagi came out of the spare room.

"…running late, as usual, Michiru couldn't decide what to wear"

"Actually, you couldn't find your shoes"

"O …heh…right…so anyways, we took the road behind the temple, there's never any traffic there. Michiru spotted some trouble under the bridge. It looked like it a mob ganging up on someone."

Michiru cut in at this point.

"Haruka jumped out of the car and scared most of them off. That's when we saw that it was Ami at the center of the mess. There was something obviously wrong-"

Haruka gave a short bark of laughter.

"Yeah, sure, she was completely out of her mind. Mumbling incoherently and taking swipes at anything that moved. We tried to talk to her, but she didn't seem to be able to understand. It took forever to get her into the car. We pretty much had to keep her at bay until fell over exhausted before we could even get near her. The girl is stronger than she looks. I don't think she even recognized us. You know the rest of the story, we drove her straight here, and here we are."

Makoto had a question:

"Why here and not directly to the hospital?"

"Wanted to, but until we confirm that Ami wasn't the one who stabbed Rei, it's too risky to put her in a civilian environment. With Mamoru being a doctor, bringing her here was the best solution."

Mako jumped up:

"But Ami 's sick! She needs treatment-"

"No, Mako. It's ok. They did the right thing."

Usagi's voice turned everyone's attention to the doorway where she stood.

"Thank you, you did the right thing. It's ok, I understand how you feel, but there are too many questions right now. I think it's best if Ami stayed in Senshi hands. Mamo-chan said she's just sleeping, she should be awake by tomorrow Mako if you want to talk to her."

Usagi's face looked conflicted about what she was about to say.

"But please, be careful…we don't know why Ami's here…or if that is even Ami at all. There is evidence that she is connected to all the new attacks lately."

"What?!"

Several voices sounded out in shock.

Usagi looked at Mamoru and nodded for him to tell the collected Senshi everything that he had just told her.

Stunned silence followed.

"What you are saying is that Ami is behind all the attacks lately? What do we do now?"

"Princess..."

"No, Haruka…don't say it…"

Usagi's voice trailed off in horror of what was a very real possibility.

Minako stood up.

"I think I can speak for all of us" The other nodded their assent "That we are soldiers. This is our duty. We all came to terms with this a long time ago. We are ready to do what is necessary. Without malice, without remorse. I just hope to god that it we won't have to." Minako smiled "Besides, who said anything about killing anyone or dying? We are Sailor Senshi. We will find another way. Don't give up hope just yet. We'll talk to Ami when she wakes up. Then we can figure out what is really going on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse the mental gymnastics it takes to include Hotaru. The story didn't seem complete without them, or the Outer Senshi Family Unit. The Hotaru of this story is approximately 8 years old, she is raised by Prof Tomoe normally, but Setsuna-mama (ageless), Haruka-papa (26 y.o), and Michiru-mama (27 y.o) have weekend custody of the kid to help prepare her for future Sailor Saturn duties. Prof Tomoe's is ok with this.
> 
> The events that lead to this story happened approximately 2 years after Sailor Moon pulled baby Hotaru out of Pharoah 90. The inner Senshi would have been around 18 and graduating from highschool then. 6 years later (aka, the time this story is set), they are approximately 24-25 - ish. Hotaru was never acceler-aged, so she remains around 8 y.o. and has led a relatively normal life with her earth family and the Senshi family. She's a good kid, just occasionally weirdly mature for her age.
> 
> Also for the record, the gold convertible that Haruka drives in the anime looks exactly like a SUPER rare Japanese sports car (1967 Toyota 2000GT). How appropriate for her.
> 
> Up next: A quiet moment with Rei and Minako.


	5. Interlude: A Moment with Rei and Minako

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude: Wherein Minako struggles with the burdens of leadership, and Rei helps carry her through

**Interlude: Rei and Minako, watching over an unconscious Ami in the temple the first night.**

Rei had been there for the better part of the hour, chanting over the semi-conscious form of Ami, their long lost and now returned friend. Minako stood guard over them, alert for any signs of danger. The holy fire in the other corner cast flickering shadows throughout the room. In any other place, this would have made Mina very edgy, but here at Rei's temple, Mina felt safe enough. These shadows felt like a reprieve, offering a place to hide, observe, and absorb the situation at hand. Lord knows they all needed a breather after the emotional roller coaster that was today.

Minako's gaze fell onto Rei, her hair shimmering in the firelight, her robes spread elegantly as she knelt chanting by the futon. She then had to smile. As long as Rei was alive, she would keep fighting. She was too proud…no, honorable to do anything but her best. Today, that meant focusing her not-inconsiderable spiritual powers to determine why her friend had just shoved a 3ft sword through her gut. Minako frowned. Rei had just gotten out of the hospital…she shouldn't be extorting herself so much. Mina made a mental note to have Ami taken to the Outer's house the next day. Rei needed rest. As if on cue, the miko twitched. A sharp gasp of pain escaped her lips as she collapsed in on herself a bit. Minako was at her side in an instant.

"Rei... Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Mina-koi…just my side is cramping. Give me a minute"

"The side with the 30 stitches? Baka. No more for tonight soldier, you need rest."

Rei looked like she might protest at first, but then gratefully sagged against Minako. Together, they shuffled down the hall to Rei's bedroom.

"Almost there Rei. In the bed. I want to check your stitches before you sleep tonight."

Rei chuckled. Then winced.

"You just want me half naked in bed Mina"

"Shush. I'm trying to be a good leader here. I can't help it if my two agendas fishtail so nicely"

"Hmm? Dovetail, the word is dovetail…but I think you knew that. What's wrong love? You aren't a total baka unless you are worried about something."

Minako cast a wry look at Rei as she sat heavily onto the bed

"Sorry. Old habit. Can't get anything past you ne? It's been a long day. Seeing you in pain and Mako drifting about and Ami like …well…whatever this is has me worried. I'm your leader, you three are my responsibility…"

Minako ducked her head, willing her tears away before Rei could see them. She focused on undoing the ties of Rei's hakama, hoping that there would be no fresh blood on the bandages there.

"I remember back at the North Pole. When Ami stayed behind to buy us more time to get to Beryl. I knew she was going to die. She knew she was going to die…but still that didn't make it any easier. I just as good as ordered her to go by not saying anything. I know it was the right decision, but still…I always wondered if there was a part of her afterwards that resented that no one tried to stop her anyways…and now here we are."

Now the tears came unchecked. Minako quietly sobbed into Rei's lap. Rei stroked her hair, soothing her as she cried.

"It's ok Mina, it's ok. See look. I'm ok. My stitches held. I'm alive. Ami's alive and she's back now. I don't know what's going to happen next, but we are better today than we were yesterday, Look at me."

Rei gently tilted Minako's head up to look her in the eye.

"I trust you. You've made the right decisions in the past, and not just the easy ones. That's why I trust you with my life. I believe that you'll keep making the right decisions. You need to believe in yourself too, and even if not, I know you'll still be brave enough to keep trying anyways. You are the bravest person I know. I trust you, and I love you."

They kissed.

"Thanks Rei. I love you too."

It was with great reluctance that Minako left her sleeping love and returned to her post in Ami's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N. Minako breaks my heart. She's such a great tragic character.
> 
> Up next: Interrogate Ami! Where answers just lead to more questions and nothing is resolved.


	6. The Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 - Wherein Ami raises two questions for every answer and nothing is resolved.
> 
> Also, Ami wakes up tied to Haruka's bed, it is 100% not what you are thinking

It was the sun shining in her face that finally convinced Ami that she needed to open her eyes.

She was lying in a bed, in a room.

Where am I?

Haruka was sitting by the bed with Michiru standing in the doorway behind her.

"What happened?"

"You know, we could ask you the same thing"

"I have no idea, why am I tied to the fucking bed?"

"Whoa, temper Ami…we've got a lot of questions for you. How are you feeling?"

Ami pulled at the straps holding her to the bed. Michiru tensed and reached for the Taser hidden behind her back.

"So you think I'm a monster too. Welcome to the club."

Haruka's eyes softened at this comment. That was something she could relate to.

"Look at me Ami. You killed your mother. We know. Metaria possessed her and was about to kill Sailor Moon. You did what you had to. We were ready to kill Hotaru once, but you stopped us Ami. Back during that whole Mistress Nine mess. I'm sorry we couldn't return the favour."

Ami narrowed her eyes.

"I took a facefull of nano-bots for you. Cut me some slack. Now tell me what the fuck is the meaning of this?"

Ami gestured at the straps.

"I'm sorry Ami, we need to know first. When did you get back to Japan?"

"Yesterday. I think? I get out of the airport and the next thing I know, I'm fighting youma. Called you guys. No answer. What more do you want?"

"Ami, what day is it today?"

"I don't know. Jan 20-ish? How long was I unconscious for?"

"Two days"

A newspaper landed on Ami's lap. Tokyo Post, Feburary 4th.

"…Monster Attacks reported new Juuban Park. Sailor Senshi sighted"…the 4th…that's not right….what's going on here?"

"Youma have been attacking steadily for the past 2 weeks. "Amy Anderson" has been here for 2 weeks. Coincidence?"

"Two weeks, what the hell? I've only been here a day. 3 if you say I've been unconscious for 2."

Michiru cut in.

"It gets worse. Someone stabbed Rei two weeks ago at the temple. She said it was you. That's why you're tied up right now."

Haruka sighed.

"Makoto's been waiting for you to wake up. She camped out here overnight. I suspect you'll be wanting to talk to her too."

Ami looked away.

"I have some calls to make. I'll be back later. Don't go anywhere."

Haruka left on that implicit threat. Michiru stayed behind, guarding their blue-haired prisoner.

* * *

Ami was sleeping when Makoto entered the room.

"Stop it Ami. I know you're faking."

"Goddamit Makoto, why are you here? Leave me alone."

Words designed to hurt. Makoto forced herself to keep going. She believed in Ami.

"Sorry Ami, I'm afraid I can't do that again. You disappeared last time."

Ami looked up, startled by the sadness in Mako's voice.

"I want to know. What happened to you Ami? You left, and now you're back. Why did you leave? It's like I don't know you anymore. The pills, the fighting, the scars…what's going on?"

"I get headaches. I take painkillers. It's normal. Not a problem. Mamoru isn't the only doctor in the world."

"Ami…if you have a problem…please…"

"I KILLED MY OWN MOTHER! Of course I have a problem! What did you expect? That I would sleep it off? That I would be ok in the morning? That some big silvery light would shine down on all of us and make everything better? Doesn't work that way."

"Please…Ami…we can help. Let us help. We still love you, we all do.

Something stirred in Ami. For the first time in years, her defense mechanisms slipped.

"Ami, I love you…please talk to me. Why did you leave?"

Makoto deserved an explanation. She didn't deserve Mako.

"I couldn't stay here. Revenge was I could focus on. Everything else hurt too much. I killed someone. My mother Mako, and don't tell me it was an accident or that I had no choice. I couldn't think of any other way to stop Metaria. Even if I threw myself in front of Sailor Moon, what then? The barrier would still be up. I had to be sure. That's why I did it. It makes sense. Just feels wrong. Afterwards, I wanted revenge. The Dark Kingdom was already gone. The only thing left was…."

Makoto nodded in understanding.

"Usagi."

Ami looked away.

"I killed for her. I hated her. How she always needed to be protected, how we were all collateral damage in her destiny. Not just me. You guys too...and the idea that we were bound to her for eternity? I kept hearing a voice in my head telling me to kill her, to take my destiny into my own hands. I was scared. Sorry. I know it's silly, but I can't shake the feeling. Every time I saw her. I wanted to kill Usagi…It seemed right. I already have blood on my hands…"

"You never acted on it."

"Does it matter? You guys were better off without me. Of course I left. I couldn't face Usagi anymore. Not after everything. The look in her eyes..."

"I don't believe that Ami. You belong here. We'll make this ok."

"Has Usagi said anything about all this?"

"Yes. Lots. You've been gone for 6 years Ami. You should talk to her yourself. She mostly said that she believed in you."

Ami felt exhausted. It had been so long since she allowed herself to be so open.

"I wish I could too. I'm sorry, I'm very tired. You should go. I can't deal with you right now."

"I'll be back tomorrow then."

Ami remembered that promise as she lay in bed. That night, when she slept, it was finally a sleep without nightmares.

* * *

The following weeks were peaceful, in so far as there were no new youma attacks. In reality, the peace was so tense that all the Senshi found themselves jumping at shadows. It wore on their nerves as much as actual youma attacks would have anyways.

Ami remained the Outer's house for lack of anywhere else to go. Some days were better than others. Ami hid behind her research into the latest threat to Tokyo more often than not. Still, the Senshi were persistent. Their friend was hurting. The Inners were constant visitors to the house, although it saddened Minako to order that Usagi never be left with Ami alone.

For their part, the Outer Senshi regarded Ami as more a guest than a prisoner. If they were uncomfortable with her around young Hotaru, they didn't say anything. With the cessation of the attacks, the possible danger of Ami seemed more remote, at least in comparison to the immediate needs of a girl who was obviously suffering.

They each reached out to Ami in their own way. Slowly, Ami responded.

To her surprise, Ami found that some human contact wasn't so bad. Swimming with Michiru was something she had always enjoyed before, and it surprised her that not once in 6 years did she think of doing something normal like going for a swim. Michiru was even kind enough to find her a wetsuit that didn't show the scars on her body form Metaria's attack 6 years ago. Ami preferred not to be reminded of that night.

Sparring with Haruka was also a surprise, at least for Haruka. The petite blue haired girl was, pound-for-pound, a very formidable fighter. The matches usually only lasted as long as Haruka could use her superior speed and reach to keep Ami at bay. It was similar to sparring with Michiru, if Michiru fought like a champion level chess player with a massive chip on her shoulder. There were days where Haruka had to be on guard because Ami was less about fight training and more about punching out frustrations.

Setsuna was often away. Most of her nights were spent at the Time Gates on heightened alert for any strange occurrences in the time stream. When she was home however, she found that the young Mizuno was quite an engaging conversation, once she started to come out of her shell.

Slowly, quietly, life started to move on.

* * *

In the end, it was Hotaru who gave the genius something to think about.

Ami had spent the day cooped up in her room. Uncharacteristically, the room was a mess. Notes and charts were scattered haphazardly on every surface. There was a series of MRI scans taped to the window. Somehow, Ami had gotten herself a brain scan.

When Hotaru came with a summons to dinner, Ami was distracted, staring at the offending scans.

"Is that you Mizuno-san?"

Hotaru stood at the doorway, bathed in the eerie glow of Ami's minicomputer.

"hmm? Oh, yes, that's me"

"That's not you. You are more than that."

"Oh, no. Sorry, I meant that it is a picture of my brain. I was looking to see if I could find out anything about the 2 weeks I can't remember."

"Oh. I see. Can I ask you something Mizuno-san?"

"Yes Hotaru-chan?"

"Do you believe in magic?"

"What? What does that have to do with anything?

Ami tried to keep the frustration out of her voice. It was barely working.

"Setsuna-mama tells me that you all fight evil while wearing miniskirts. One day, I will too. It doesn't make much scientific sense to me either. I don't think I'm supposed to understand that though. It is absurd. I think it's silly to try to force everything to make sense"

Absurd. Ami smiled. The kid had a good vocabulary.

"Are you ok with that Hotaru? The not knowing."

"I'm not sure. I don't think it makes a difference either way. It is who I am. As much a part of me as my hands or my heart."

Ami mulled over Hotaru's words, and grudgingly saw the logic of it. Hotaru smiled up at her.

"Oh! I came to get you! Dinner is ready. Haruka-papa's grilling steaks tonight."

The little girl took off down the stairs to see if she could intercept her papa on the way to the table. If she was fast, she could stake out the prime cut for herself.

Ami was left behind pondering the strangeness of that conversation.

Hotaru did have a point. If the answers couldn't be found in the scientific, physical world, then Ami was out of her element.

This was Rei's territory.

* * *

Ami returned to the temple to seek help. Rei took her in. The two senshi spent days meditating in front of the great fire, trying to learn more about the recent attacks. The visions from the fire were inconclusive at best. They perceived images of a great darkness that seemed to focus in on Ami. In meditation, Ami found the closest thing she had approaching peace for a long while. It was the calm before the storm.

Overall, life at the temple was like it was during happier days, with the 5 girls-who-were-soldiers using the temple as their personal base to read manga and save the world.

Except for the sense of impending doom centered on the blue haired Senshi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also the chapter that sparked this whole story re-write. I realized I'd messed up Hotaru's age (shocking), and wanted to fix that. Things snowballed from there. I'm still not 100% happy with the Hotaru dialogue here, it is wierd coming from an 8 year old. Then again, Hotaru is not the average 8 year old. She does spend half her weekend hanging out with Setsuna afterall.
> 
> Up next: Weird Science. The plot advances!


	7. Staring into the Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 - The prelude to the final battle! Wherein Usagi gets captured by bad science, and Ami solves the puzzle with bad science. Bad science all around. Just go with it.

It was one of these typical days at the temple when Usagi walked in with a brown paper package under her arm.

"I got this in my mailbox this morning. It's post-dated. Says it's from you. What's going on?"

Ami's blood grow cold.

"I don't remember sending you anything Usagi..."

"Well, only one way to find out…"

Usagi carefully peeled back the brown paper and opened the box.

"What's this? A snow globe?"

Usagi reached into the box. Ami felt like something terrible was about to happen.

"Usagi…wa-"

But it was too late. Usagi touched the orb and disappeared in a flash of light.

"Usagi!"

A blue orb fell to the ground with a loud, final thud.

The Senshi stared in shock at the spot previously occupied by their princess.

Ami did the only thing she could think of. She grabbed her computer and reached for the orb.

The space sword swung down between her hand and the orb.

"Hold it, you aren't touching that. Not until you tell us what's going on."

Recognition came to Ami like a muscle memory.

"It's a teleportation device. Biometric. It's primed to activate only for Usagi."

Haruka's sword edged up

"So you know what it is."

Ami was forced to look into Haruka's eyes, the sword's tip resting lightly under her chin.

"Back off, we don't have time for this. I know what it is, I recognize the technology. I have no idea why. Give me the orb. I am going to scan it to see if there are any traces of where it came from."

Haruka looked at Michiru. A moment of unspoken communication passed between them, and Haruka stood down.

"So what exactly is going on Ami?"

Minako's question was sincere and not an accusation. Somehow, her friends still trusted her.

"The blue orb. It's a teleportation device. I remember it somehow. It has taken Usagi somewhere. I sent it to her. I think I did all of this the two weeks I'm missing. We have to stop it. Seeing the orb, I remember more. There was darkness...silver...and youma? Not enough to be useful goddammit. All I know is that Usagi's in danger now…and it's all my fault…"

Ami seemed to be on the verge of a collapse.

"Ami, snap out of it. We need you here, now. Did your scan turn up anything?"

The minicomputer beeped. Ami analyzed the findings.

"There's an unusual amount of mercury and asbestos on the orb. Plus a whole bunch of biological compounds that don't appear usually above ground. Underwater? No, doesn't make sense…deep, I'd say a cave…except that these elements here are completely unnatural. You wouldn't see these concentrations of asbestos in nature…"

Ami's eyes widened. Suddenly she swung her hand against Haruka's space sword.

Drops of blood fell from her hand onto the floor.

"Ami!"

"Blood, there was something weird the other day that I couldn't figure out..A-HA!"

Ami's eyes brightened up with the excitement of discovery even during this tense time.

"It's the same isotope of mercury that is in my bloodstream. 203Hg. I noticed almost toxic amounts of mercury in my blood the first time I scanned myself after you guys found me. It can only exist in laboratory conditions. We are looking for an underground laboratory…?"

Ami laughed out loud, a dry humourless laugh

"Of course. It's nearby…how very appropriate…"

"Ami, just spill it, what are you talking about."

"The ruins of Mugen Academy. I was there, and I bet that's where Usagi is now"

"Mugen? The city paved over that hole years ago. It's a park now"

"No, under it. There are ways under it. Usagi is there. I know the way."

"So wait...let me get this straight. You're responsible for all of this?"

Minako transformed in a ripple of light.

"According to all the evidence yes. I lost two weeks of my memory, and now there's a whole series of events with my fingerprints all over it. I am coming with you to Mugen. You need me to get to Usagi. I don't expect you to, hell, I don't even trust me right now, but I need you to believe me right now, for Usagi's sake."

Venus nodded.

"'I believe you Ami. We are going to Mugen. Everybody? Henshin Yo!"

"Rei, wait. I need you to promise me something."

Rei stopped and turned around. Ami pulled her aside.

"Yes?"

"If you need to, kill me. Don't hesitate and don't regret it afterwards. Promise me that."

"What?" Ami, no, that's ridiculous."

"Rei, you have to understand. I am the enemy here. Somehow, I did all this. I don't know if I can stop it. I am not in control here. You don't have a choice. You need to protect the Princess. You said that I tried to kill you. There must be a reason why. It's because whatever is happening, whatever I was doing I saw you as a threat. You have the power to end it, one way or another."

"Ami… no…I can't…there's got to be another way...Usagi would not want this either."

"We don't have time to argue! Please…promise me."

Rei nodded slowly, but Ami was gone, Mercury was running after the others in the direction of Mugen Academy.

Running into whatever trap she set for them all.

* * *

 

It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/

Ami's footsteps seemed to pound in time with the accusations in her head.

Her mind raced through the events of the past month, trying to see the pattern, to isolate the common variables.

_Rei, the nightmares, the youma, the orb…means, motive, opportunity. Me. It's brilliant._

_I am the only person that could have done this._

_Because I wanted this to happen_

"No…"

_[So you finally understand Ami. Here I am. This is what we have become.]_

Metaria!

Now it all made sense.

_The voice in my head, that was you_

_["No little Ami, that was you. I am you. You welcomed me into your soul. We are one."]_

_You're dead. I killed you myself. How is this possible?_

_["Magic Ami, magic! You, me…..it's what makes it all possible. There is no rhyme or rhythm, or order. No science or mathematics. The world doesn't make sense. You have been blind to the ultimate truth. Chaos. The only set course is what you do. Your actions defines you Ami. You killed your mother, but you could never kill me. You knew that. I am you. I am an idea. I am everyone. I cannot die. We are just the logical extension of what we have become. This is what we want Ami. Let us take form and become Chaos. We can reshape the universe in our image. Accept it Ami, and the pain will be over."]_

Ami felt the truth in the offer. She wanted to rest. To stop struggling and let things happen as they will. It wasn't fair, she isn't strong enough. Why did she have to do this? Over and over. She was tired. She had done enough. Her mother was dead because she wasn't strong enough or smart enough to find another way. It shouldn't have been her responsibility to…..no….it wasn't fair. To protect the princess, she has had to give up everything and now she couldn't even rest in peace.

The Princess.

Even as Ami cycled these thoughts in her head, she sensed there was something wrong.

The Princess. Her friends.

How could she hate her friends? All their study sessions that went nowhere…all the times that they had fought side by side…all the times that they had saved the world and saved each other…

How could she hate Usagi? She loved Usagi. She loved the Usagi that showed kindness to the lonely genius freak at school. The Usagi that always found a way to connect with her, even when Ami was off in her own melancholy. Usagi the messiah who could and would save anyone who needed saving.

With great effort, Ami pushed through the haze in her head.

_And if I refuse?_

_["I'm afraid that wasn't an offer. Time to die."]_

Ami's mind broke under a blast of dark energy. As her consciousness faded to the back of her mind, she saw only one objective.

The Silver Crystal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Mugen!
> 
> Up next: The final battle! There will be action. There will be blood. There will be everything you need to put together a Sailor Moon season finale episode.
> 
> 7/15/16 - belated author's notes: Several months after posting, I just noticed that I messed up my formatting. Apologies for the awkward formatting of the conversation inside Ami's head. _italics_ indicate that it is Ami's thoughts. _["square bracket"]_ indicate that it is the voice inside her head.


	8. Endgame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 - The final battle! Wherein Ami faces her darkness.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story thus far:
> 
> 6 years ago, sometime after preventing the Silence at Mugen Academy, a revived Queen Metaria possessed Dr Saeko Mizuno (aka Ami's mother), forcing the Senshi into battle once again. Ami personally struck the final blow and killed her mother. Traumatized, she ran away to study medicine in Germany, cutting off contact with all her friends (Ch 1. the point where this story begins). Ami is compelled to return to Tokyo by a dark premonition. Once she arrives, she is attacked by dark energy and blacks out (ch 2). In the meantime, the Sailor Senshi are dealing with a sudden increase of youma activity and Rei is injured in an attack by a potentially brainwashed Ami. Ami is captured by the Senshi after two weeks and they discover she has no memory of what she's been doing during that time. (ch 4). They work together to try to solve the mystery (ch 6), but there are no leads until Usagi is teleported away by a mysterious blue orb sent to her (ch 6).
> 
> And now we are here.

The collective Senshi ran through the ruins of Mugen. Mercury had led the way as she promised. There was no resistance. They found Usagi at the centre of it all, lying eyes closed on an old lab table.

"Usagi! Wake up! Are you ok?"

"mmm…mrrr…wha?"

Usagi sat up and blinked in confusion

"Where am I? Why are you are all transformed…?"

Usagi transformed into Sailor Moon

"The last thing I remember is touching the orb. Is everyone ok?"

"No…"

Mercury was standing stock-still leaning on the doorway. She had her head down, her hair falling over her eyes.

"Mercury..?"

A fog seemed to form at Mercury's hand. It condensed and curved into a sharp looking icicle. A sword.

"Mercury…stop…don't make me do this…"

Mars stepped up as the rest of the senshi quickly tightened ranks around Sailor Moon.

The trap sprung.

"Die"

Mercury flew into action. The ofuda Mars was pulling out was cut in half and soon, she was fighting for her life.

"Mars!"

Mercury's sword swung dangerously close to Mars's neck. A golden chain flashed out and wrapped Mercury's sword arm.

"Hold it! Mercury, what are you doing?"

A blast of cold knocked Venus off her feet and Mercury shook off the unanchored chain.

"I will have my vengeance!"

Mercury leapt into the air, and the lab was suddenly covered in a dense fog.

"Farewell, fool."

Sailor Moon turned at the whisper behind her. She saw the flash of a sword as it closed for a deadly strike.

_Clang!_

The Silence Glaive.

Mercury's sword glanced harmless off to the side. Tuxedo Kamen swooped in and carried Sailor Moon off to safety.

Saturn and Pluto stepped of a portal ready to fight. An audible gasp ran through the room.

"Sailor Saturn!"

Saturn smiled sadly.

"I am needed, so here I am."

Then the battle began in earnest.

* * *

 

Mercury found herself hard pressed dueling Saturn and Pluto at once. With the combatants weaving in and out in such close quarters, the other senshi were basically reduced to spectators for fear of hitting their own teammates with their attacks.

Saturn and Pluto! That was unexpected. The two staff fighters of the Senshi were formidable opponents and both had greater reach with their staffs than she did with her sword. Mercury snarled, she had hoped to engage Jupiter and Uranus first and eliminate them quickly. The emotional ones were easily manipulated. Things were not going according to her calculations.

Of course, Mercury would never go into battle without a failsafe.

Saturn swung her Glaive downwards. Mercury narrowly dodged the attack. The sharp tip of the Glaive hissed past, barely missing Pluto behind her. Mercury slashed at Pluto's legs in turn. Pluto blocked and swung high. Mercury ducked and switched sword hands to strike at Pluto's exposed side. Saturn recovered faster than expected. Her missed slash turned into a twirl. The handle of the Silence Glaive swung around and slammed into Mercury, sending her flying into the mist.

Time for plan B

Mercury disappeared into the fog.

"Dammit! Where is she?"

"Sparkling Wide Pressure!"

Jupiter's lighting orb failed to connect with anything solid.

"Save your energy Jupiter-dear, you'll need it."

Mercury's voice echoed around the ruined lab, mocking, goading.

"That could have been a kill shot Saturn! What's wrong? Should have ended it when you had a chance. When I bring the Chaos into your world, remember that you could have stopped it then."

A jet of water blasted out of the fog and took Saturn by surprise.

"Saturn! No!"

"Kuso! We need to get rid of this damn fog!"

Uranus and Neptune acted as one.

"Submarine…Reflection!"

Neptune's power coursed through the room and took the fog with it.

The spectral outlines of a youma army became visible as the fog cleared.

"Space Sword Blaster!"

Uranus's power cut through the legions of assembled youma and reduced many to just puddles of liquid metal.

The battle shifted. The Senshi were now on the defensive. Each element's power flashed out and took its toll on the youma army, but it was a losing battle.

"There's too many of them!"

"Where is she?

Jupiter looked around. Where was Mercury?

Then she spotted her.

Mercury was standing on a ledge above the fray. She was concentrating on a silvery orb, liquid metal swirling under it's own power.

"Jupiter Oak Evolution!"

The electric leaves cut through Dark Mercury's concentration. She screamed in pain. The orb lost shape and collapsed. The Youma army melted away with it.

"YOU!"

Jupiter found herself frozen to the ground, unable to move.

Mercury jumped off the ledge and landed by the helpless Senshi, her eyes brightly reflecting the horror on Jupiter's face.

"Mako-chan! Love, did you miss me?"

Ami's voice coming from the lips of Dark Mercury made Jupiter feel sick. This was a perversion of the kind, gentle Ami-chan she loved. This Ami was causing pain for the sheer pleasure of it.

"Mako…have you been waiting? For me? How pathetic. Time to move on. At least it would be if I weren't about to kill you for what you just did there. Love hurts doesn't it?"

The sword went up. Jupiter winced, expecting the down stroke to slice through her body.

Mercury grinned, sadistically enjoying the helpless Senshi before her.

In that distraction, Mars saw an opportunity.

"AKURYO TAISAN!"

The ofuda flew straight and connected between Mercury's shoulder blades.

With a hideous scream, Mercury collapsed back into Mizuno Ami.

* * *

 

Ami awoke on a vast plain of cold gray fog.

It was cold here. She couldn't feel anything, there was nothing to feel.

Ami wasn't sure if it was a hallucination but now was not the time to question. All around her there were images, flashes of memory maybe? She could see her sword driving through her mother's body, her father walking out the door for the last time, children taunting and throwing things at the genius freak. There were other images. Love and hope, friendship and warmth. They were faint and hazy, but they were there and they were becoming clearer as the dark fog dissipated.

Ami could make out images of Minako hilariously trying to nurse her through a flu. The memory of the awful congee made her laugh. She saw herself with Rei, sharing a quiet moment in front of the fire. A deep sense of peace settled her mind. There was Makoto, opening the door and inviting Ami into the warmth of her home. Ami felt that warmth in her soul now.

The images shone brighter. Ami was no longer seeing, as much as she was feeling them.

Haruka and Michiru, giving her their hard earned respect - Pride at being acknowledged as equals.

Chibi-Usa, full of dreams and potential - Determination to protect her innocence.

Setsuna, who never had a chance to be innocent - Calm acceptance of what's to come.

Hotaru, her painful life and rebirth- the weight of sacrifice.

Brightest of all was Usagi.

Their first meeting where she befriended the genius that everyone else avoid. At the North Pole, where she drew them all back from oblivion. Usagi carrying a baby away from the ruins of Mugen. Usagi bringing light into her life with a smile and a hug. It was infinite. The greatest power in the universe. Pure, unconditional love.

This was something worth fighting for.

She was loved.

Now it was her turn.

She called upon the magic in her soul. A sword of ice formed in her hand. Clear, cold and sharp. It was the sword of Sailor Mercury, but she did not transform. She didn't need to. The fog around her condensed into a mountain landscape, a tall jagged peak rising over a cool blue lake. Ami smiled. This was where she wanted to make her last stand. This was Ami's battle. She did not need to do this as Sailor Mercury. She WAS Sailor Mercury. Long ago, she accepted that she was Sailor Mercury. Now she accepted that Sailor Mercury was Mizuno Ami. Ami was strong. She was a soldier. A solider for love and justice, an avatar of ice and wisdom. A Guardian reborn.

Ami sensed another presence here. Dark Mercury. Unnaturally strong, but still just another aspect of her person. Equal yet opposite. Hers to defeat, hers to control. It was her. The board was now set for the final battle.

_She is me, but I am not her_

Ami looked into the darkness and found herself.

_Metaria! I call you by name! Begone! I banish you from my mind!_

A figure so much like her came into focus. Dark Mercury.

_["WHAT?! YOU! Impossible. I overpowered you."]_

The voice of Metaria roared from her mouth. Has she always been this arrogant?

_You should know better. You're as much a part of me now as I am of you. I understand now. You need me, you want a host. A stronger host than Beryl could ever be. You set it all up… possessing my mother so I would kill her. You used yourself as bait, and I fell for it. A Queen's gambit._

Yes, she really is that arrogant.

_["I chose you…yes… I want you. You are the best of them, worthy to be my host and fulfill the glorious destiny of Chaos._   
_You understand the true nature of power. Right or wrong, irrelevant without the power to enforce your will. That is what power is. Power is truth._   
_You want more. More knowledge, more strength, more power. It burns you from the inside. I can satisfy you. I feel your heart, your struggles to hold yourself back, to try to be ordinary. For what? Love? You were pathetic. Weak, insecure, doubtful, ordinary, but that is not who you are. You are a soldier, you are a destroyer. You can bring the universe to its knees. All will bow to you. Serenity will bow to you._   
_The fire…it is in you. Embrace it and be strong, for it is the strongest who deserve to live. The Dark Kingdom already belongs to you. With it, you can seize everything. You'll never be alone again."]_

Ami knew the truth in Queen Metaria's words, but there was so much more than truth.

_No. You are wrong. The universe is more than you can imagine. There is love here. I've seen it. What you offer will never satisfy me. You will never understand that Metaria. In the name of love, stand down. You will not win this battle. I have people to protect and they me strength. I will show you. I will fight you. I will defeat you. Here and now. Save yourself now while you still have a chance._

In the battlefield that was her mind, Ami raised her sword. A gesture of defiance.

_["Ami…Ami Ami Ami…you still don't get it do you genius. We are one. If I die, you die. There is not "me", there is no" you". Only us. It's already too late, the pieces are set. You invited me in. This is what you want. You know the feeling, to be a god, power over life, power over death. That is you wanted to be a doctor, isn't it? You like pain, to see how much someone can hurt before they break. To save them just to prove that you are stronger than their worst nightmares. To have people indebted to your mercy. That is strength. You are superior. Feel it, the true power that lies within you. That is why you are here now, why you came back to Japan. You came when I called because you wanted this. Claim your destiny. I give you the strength. We can change it all. We can bring your mother back. We can do anything. You don't need to die here. Ascend. Sacrifice the Senshi to me. Take the Silver Crystal and summon me into this world."]_

This was it, the final assault. Ami's last temptation.

_No. In the name of Mercury, I will destroy you._

Ami sprang into action.

The clear sword whistled through the air, Dark Mercury parried the blow with her own dark blade.

Ami shielded her face from an ice barrage from Dark Mercury. The ice raked gouges on her arm instead. In retaliation, she swung her blade up and scored a long slashing wound across Dark Mercury's shoulder.

Outside, in a dark ruined laboratory on another plane of existence, Sailor Moon gasped. A dark bloodstain was slowly growing on Ami's shoulder. Her arm was suddenly a bloody mess.

"Ami!"

Tuxedo Kamen ran over and began to apply pressure on the wounds that were appearing. The rest of the Senshi hovered about, feeling helpless.

It was Sailor Mars who sensed what was happening.

"Ami's fighting in there, I can feel it. Come on Ami, come back to us!"

Mars's exclamation brought hope. Ami was there, and she was fighting.

The battle went on. Dark Mercury gave as good as she got. The fighters were obviously evenly matched, identical in every way, but this was not a contest of strength or cunning. It was a contest of wills.

Ami could hear her friends calling her, encouraging her. They were so close.

That was enough.

Ami focused on the love of her friends, and her desire to protect them. White light pulsed out of her, shattering her opponent's dark sword. Ami took the opening and drove her sword home. Straight through the heart.

_It ends, now._

* * *

 

Ami's body arched up and collapsed back onto the ground. A flower of blood grew quickly in the centre of her chest. Her eyes fluttered open. A weak voice bubbled out.

"….it ends now... Usa…Crystal. Use the Crystal."

Sailor Moon hesitated.

"Ami?"

The faintly whispered plea held many unanswered questions. She was afraid. What if it was a trick? What if she killed her Ami-chan?

"I'm here…it'll be ok...I promise"

It was so like Ami to anticipate what she was thinking. She could do this for Ami.

She opened her brooch.

"Moon…Cosmic…Power!"

The silver white light washed over the pair.

The Senshi looked away, unable to see into the bright light.

When they looked back, Ami was lying motionless on the floor.

With a faint smile of victory on her lips, Ami looked like she could have been asleep.

Except that she wasn't breathing.

* * *

When her senses came back to her, Ami became aware that she was leaning against an impossibly large tree.

She could faintly hear the sound of running water somewhere near and far.  She couldn't; tell. Concepts such as time and space didn't quite seem applicable here.

Overall, it was peaceful.

Ami felt that this was somewhere she could rest. She was getting somewhat sleepy in fact.

A boat glided into view. The river must have been closer than she realized.

One figure stepped forward form the boat, the other cloaked figured remained waiting.

Ami didn't bother getting up, there was no danger for her here, or purpose. Ami laughed out loud as she figured out where she was.

How stereotypical. Perhaps there's something to be said for all those old myths of Hades and Elysium.

"Actually Ami, you are just seeing this because this is what you expect to see."

Ami jumped up at the voice.

"…Mom? Oh god…I am so sorry….I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.."

All the pain of the past 6 years welled up and flooded over. Mother held daughter until Ami was all cried out.

"…shh..it's ok ..it's ok…I'm so proud of you honey. You saved the world. My little girl, all grown up and saving the world. I am so proud of you."

"I'm so sorry Mom, I never wanted things to work out this way…"

"shhh…it's ok. You did what you had to, you know that. I understand. These things make more sense from this side of mortality, I think you understand that better right now."

Ami gave a faint chuckle

"I've missed you Mom."

"I know, and I you. I know you can keep on going though, and live your life to the fullest. You are going to make the world a better place. Can you do that for me Ami?"

"Wait…what? I'm dead. I can't stay here with you?"

A third voice drifted out of the mist.

"It's not your time yet Mizuno Ami"

The cloaked figure from the boat stepped forward. A surprisingly graceful and feminine step assisted by a long handled Glaive. Ami prepared to resist. The figure pulled off her hood.

"Hotaru? No, Sailor Saturn."

"Just another aspect of the Hotaru you know. Stand down Ami-chan. You have died, but it is not time for your final rest. Just as Setsuna-mama is responsible for the gates of time. I am responsible for the gates of the afterlife. It tends to look after itself though. No one ever tries to break in this way. Everyone gets their turn in time..."

"What? That's impossible, what about free will...and accidents…and…"

Saturn's lips twitched in an irrepressible smile.

"Death, reborn, revolution. Are you really prepared to argue with me? It's foolish to try to understand how it all works. Perhaps I should leave you to study this absurdity and come back later?"

It wasn't often that someone called Ami foolish. She laughed in appreciation of a joke made lifetime ago.

"I'm so tired. After everything I've done, I'm not sure I deserve a second chance."

"Ami…my dear Ami, remember this…it is not your mistakes and challenges that define you, but how to face them. Be strong. I know you are."

Ami stopped to absorb the serenity of her mother's words

"I understand Mom. Thank you. I love you."

"Try and be happy. I love you Ami."

Ami hugged her mother, basking in the peace of the moment until it was time.

"I'm ready now. Light the way, Firefly."

For what seemed like the umpteenth time in recent history, Ami awoke in an unfamiliar place.

Upon further consideration, the starchy sheets, the antiseptic smell, the faint beeping of an electrocardiogram. It was all very familiar.

She was in a hospital.

Ami kept her eyes closed, taking a final moment to enjoy her death before coming back to life. Was someone holding her hand? She heard more noises around her, the rustle of skirt, a softly whispered conversation, and perhaps a faint snore? Usagi perhaps?

Then Ami smiled faintly. No, it was Minako. Usagi was the one having a whispered argument with someone. Most likely Rei. She felt the love and comfort in her life all around her. That left Makoto as the one that was rubbing her hand now. She squeezed back. It was time to wake up.

She had faced her darkness, and won. She now had to begin the long, hard process of moving on, but she was ready and she was not alone.

And with that encouragement, she opened her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading to the end! I hope you have enjoyed the story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. It has been a project 8 years running, and this is one of the first times I've ever gone back to review my old works and read it through properly. I'm happy that I've been able to improve the characterizations and the dialogue (the horrible, hackneyed, stilted dialogue) of the first draft. 8 years of life experience makes a difference apparently :). It's been a personal treat to re-write this story. Thank you for coming along on the ride. I hope you all enjoy your personal stories as much. May there be many more.
> 
> P.S. [Square brackets] indicate Queen Metaria/Dark Mercury speaking inside Ami's mind. Regular italics indicate it's Ami thinking. Kind of difficult to format a conversation 2 people that happens entirely inside the mind of a fictional character
> 
> P.P.S. I just spent a week re-writing Hotaru to fit my own continuity. Worked it all out, republished and then realized that I stuck Sailor Saturn into the climatic fight scene. FUUUUUUUUUUUU. Saturn's lines about being needed were added just now to magically resolve the issue. Book it. Done. Deal with it in the Sequel.
> 
> P.P.P.S. Fun trivia: Dark Merucy's "Farewell, fool" line is directly lifted from the anime episode 43: Is Usagi Going it Alone? The Sailor Senshi Get into a Big Fight aka, the episode where they pretend to fight each other to trick Kunzite. The girls are all fake trash talking Sailor Moon in a "fight", but Mercury's V.A. (the talented Aya Hisakawa) delivered her one line "Sayonora obaka-san" with such quiet menace in Ami-chan's voice that it was startling. The formal use of "sayonora" to imply a long farewell, and the serious use of "baka" from Ami (who, juding from her Kansai accent, means would only use "baka" very seriously), and the -san honorific for Usagi was just cooooold. I had to borrow it. I'm probably reading too much into that though.


	9. Walking Towards Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ch 9: Walking Towards Light - wherein we see what Rei and Usagi were arguing about in the last chapter, learn why Minako is asleep, get into Mako's head, and Ami's story continues.

"Here Usagi-chan. I thought you could use a pick-me-up."

Rei appeared like a miraculous vision with a tray of hot drinks. A special hot chocolate had Usagi's name on it.

Usagi had no idea how Rei found mini-marshmallows in a hospital, but she wasn't about the question the gift.

Rei had meant to give the other coffees with Makoto and Minako, but a quick look inside the hospital room stopped her. Minako was finally getting some sleep on a chair in the corner of the room and Makoto was…occupied. She looked lost in thought. Rei didn't think it was appropriate to interrupt. She turned to Usagi instead. Her Princess looked sad. Rei could hardly stand it.

"Usagi-chan? Why are you just standing in the hallway?"

That came out a bit harsher than she'd intended, but Usagi turned to her and smiled anyways.

"Thank you for the hot chocolate Rei. It's nice. I just can't believe we are here again."

It was eerily similar to 6 years ago. The circumstances were different, but the cast list was the same. Ami lying in a hospital bed, Mako holding vigil, everyone else, standing by helplessly. The last time this happened, they all thought they'd lost a friend. Usagi was trying her hardest to look at this as a new beginning rather than history repeating itself.

"I was just getting used to having Ami here again. I hope she's here to stay."

"She will Usagi-chan... Ami fought so hard to come back to us. I felt it."

"Me too. Ami really is back. I believe that. Still, it hurts to see them in pain like this."

Rei followed Usagi's gaze. She was looking at her broken guardians. Ami was hooked up to a bunch of machines and covered in bandages. Mako had barely moved an inch since she left to get coffee. Usagi looked to be on the verge of tears.

"Usagi...are you ok?"

"I can't imagine what it's been like for her. You are all so important to me. I don't understand how you all would do such things for my sake."

Usagi, who had faced all the horror this world and several others had to offer, was shaken by this. Seeing her friends hurt struck at the core of her being in a way that nothing else ever could. Rei had to hug her friend and Princess.

"...Because you are important to us too. I bet if you asked Ami, she'd say the same thing."

Rei felt she spoke for all the guardians in that statement.

"I want to talk to her so much, to see how she's doing. I hope she wakes up soon."

Rei stood by silently, thinking of how pessimistic the doctors were when they brought Ami in. She felt ashamed to think that standing next to Usagi.

A loud snore from the sleeping blonde officer cut in through the pensive silence.

"Oh! How's Minako?"

"She's ok. Just tired. She's been running around all week trying to clean this up with Tokyo PD. Crazy amounts of paperwork. As far as they are concerned, we were just dumbass urban explorers at the Mugen Ruins and Ami just got caught in a freaky lab explosion down there. Good thing the police superintendent general is on our side."

"She's amazing. Minako's really something."

"Don't I know it. She tells me all the time."

Usagi giggled. Rei felt a knot in her stomach start to loosen at that sound.

"I'm glad you two finally got together. You two are so perfect for each other!"

Usagi stuck out her tongue

"I mean...Minako's the only one crazy enough put up with you!"

"She is not!"

"She so is!"

The old familiar back-and-forth. The teasing made them both feel better. They kept at it until Makoto's gasp send them running into hospital room.

* * *

Makoto held onto Ami's shockingly cold hands, silently begging her to wake up. Hospital rooms have always made her uncomfortable. They felt like failure in general. Failure of the human body, or of some failure of karma with accidents. Worst of all was when it was one of her own lying in the hospital bed. Then it felt like she had failed to protect them, to take their pain like she had promised to do.

Makoto stopped that train of thought. She was more mature than that now. She knew she'd made plenty of mistakes in her life. There was no sense adding guilt for bad things that happened outside her control.

Ami had to wake up. There would be no closure for her otherwise. Elza, Tomoko, Unazuki. Every relationship she'd ever had. They all led to here. If Makoto believed in destiny, then she would believe Ami was the one.

The red string of fate.

Makoto traced the ropey red scars that ran down Ami's forearm. She didn't believe in fate. Looks like Ami didn't either. They were on their own.

Makoto's thoughts took a turn. On their own. She was on her own after her parents died. It took her years to find her footing again, and even then only with love and support from her friends. She'd learned to get over the fear that every time that someone went away, that would be the last time she'd ever see them. Usagi and the others had kindly indulged her occasional clinginess and over-protectiveness as she learned to accept that death was a natural part of life.

Ami fell apart after her mother's death. No one was there to help her deal. She'd pushed everyone away instead. Why did she try to do it alone?

Makoto frowned, considering everything she knew about Ami

…Ami was afraid that she'd burden people close to her?

Yes, she'd said it herself. She was afraid to she'd inevitably hurt the people she loved more than she was worth. Cold logic.

Makoto cursed internally. Ami was wrong, but she was pretty much impossible to argue with. They would just have to show her that she was worthy of love. Usagi and the Senshi - love and friendship. That was their specialty. Makoto grew more hopeful then.

That was the closure she needed from Ami. For her to be ok. To accept having people in her life again. Ami deserved a second chance.

If only she'd wake up.

Makoto rubbed Ami's hand, trying to inject some warmth.

She gasped out loud. That was when she noticed.

Ami was squeezing back.

She was waking up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****
> 
> \- to be continued in "Walking Towards Light: Ami Redux"-

**Author's Note:**

> A.N. The "canon" of this story diverges from the actual canon starting at the original anime episode "Believe in Love! Ami, a Kind Hearted Senshi" (please refer to my other story, "Fear and Understanding on a Nanoscale" as an optional prequel to this story). This means no Dead Moon Circus, and no Galaxia. I always figured any conflict I can fanfic Senshi in would pale against the threat that Galaxia was during the season 5 arc. The events that lead to this story happen approximately 2 years after a 16 y.o. Sailor Moon pulled baby Hotaru (aged 0) out of Pharoah 90. Ami, and the inner Senshi would have been around 18 and graduating from highschool then. 6 years later (aka, the time this story is set), they are approximately 24-25 - ish.


End file.
